GSF CEO Update: The Elo Knight Ownzone

(Editor's Note: Alliance Updates are aimed at an internal audience and the discerning reader should interpret them through that lens.) 

Let's face facts: our recent performance in the North has been somewhat lacking. Black Legion moved back to Venal about a month ago and has been casually harassing CFC assets with impunity. While we have managed to wipe out one of their Loki fleets, that victory was short-lived; less than an hour later we lost an entire Alphafleet - more than 120 battleships - to bombers. We attempted to catch the Black Legion dread fleet in a trap, and fed them a cap-fit Titan, cap-fit supercarrier, a properly-fit Wyvern, and the last shreds of our dignity in return for 37 insured dread kills. Insult to injury, yesterday evening we tossed away another fourteen-odd capitals in Syndicate to Rote Kapelle and Black Legion, who arrived to deliver the killing blow to our inadequate and unprepared support fleet. It almost goes without saying that while Black Legion remains in Venal, we can expect the QPO cyno beacon to become a glorified bug zapper for unscouted GSF capitals. 

We've discussed the Elo Knight menace before - during the war for Tribute - and we have been blessedly free of his rubbishing as Black Legion went on a quixotic quest to hunt their nemesis Pandemic Legion. Now BL is back to snapping up PL techs in Venal, and we're not doing so well. 


Freedomsquad and You

We have been blessed with the ascendancy of our European time zone; in years past the Euro hours were our weakest period in both population and leadership, and yet due to the steady development and grooming of European Goonion - and a slight relaxation of kneejerk Freedomland jingoism - GSF has abruptly found itself possessing what might just be the strongest EU TZ force of any single alliance in the game. In recent sov contests and tower fights, we have done the unheard of: intentionally timing towers to Euro Prime, as that was the safest hour, the height of GSF dominance. Rank madness, say the Great War vets: 1:00 EVE was once the Hour of the Goon. 

Yet for whatever reason, as GSF's Euro dominance has waxed, the hours of Freedom have waned. Perhaps this is because of Big Macs, OBAMA!!!, or the patriotic expectation that we could simply rely on alcoholic Predator drones to sort out problems for us while we lay about on our couches. Nevertheless, the thread connecting all of our recent drubbings at Elo Knight's hands is timing: they occur at Freedom O'clock. 

The one remaining specialty of our US TZ involves everyone hopping in fat capital ships - obviating the need for us to actually :effort: move between gates - squatting this blob, stationary, on top of a station, spewing clouds of obedient drones, and then delegating that last iota of pilot effort to the fleet commander so that we can watch porn and have killmails handed to us on a platter - or not, we're mostly content to just squat here. We have grown flabby in US TZ - our other main US TZ doctrine is 'Hamgus', for god's sakes. Drones, obesity and ham: Eve is Real. 

We need to fix our shit and stop shedding fleets hand-over-fist to Black Legion. That means getting our US TZ into shape. Freedom Squad began as a dream, partially sparked by jealousy at the pile of skulls the cosmopolitan Goonion had amassed; after a slow start the squad has begun actively seeking combat more engaging than Bootcamps (we still love those, don't worry). There's a newbie drive on, Black Legion all over us like a Justice Department wiretap on an AP reporter, and there's never been a better time to join the fight for Freedom~ 

Newbie Drive: In Progress

Two weeks ago we began our newbie drive; this drive is already a smashing success. We've brought in more than 90 newbies to Goonwaffe in a very short time - but that means we need more help than ever with mentors to shepherd our people into space, man the trenches in GFHelp, and ensuring that our newbies are showered with isk, ships, and love. The newbie drive only ends when we stop buying banner ads to direct our brethren to the recruitment thread, so help us keep the momentum up and buy a banner ad today. They're only $7.95 - and will annoy everyone on the forums for an entire month. 

Introducing Crapswarm

Those vicious capital directors and their 'requirements'. They want you to have fighters on your carrier, obscure skills like 'capital energy transfer' and 'mechanic' trained, and more sense than god gave a solo QPO-jumper. So inflexible, with their automated api systems and elitist Capswarm jabber group. What about you? You have a carrier, but it's shitfit, and by god it's three months or more until you're Capswarm spec. Yet you want to use your carrier as a traveling jalopy, a space Winnebago stuffed to the gills with cruisers and frigates, marauding around the galaxy with your squad buddies and pooping on things. What to do? 

Never fear, un-capswarm-specced carrier owner: Crapswarm is here! That's right, as foreign deployments become more of our schtick as an alliance, we've decided to create a group that will act as a holding pen for everyone rich enough to own a carrier but too unskilled and unwashed to achieve the heights of the Capswarm-spec Master Race. Think of it as a holding pen or waiting room for pilots who can rat badly in carriers or move their stuff from point A to point B, but don't yet deserve alliance reimbursement. 

Innominate et al will be setting this up shortly, and you'll be welcome to join as long as you have a Carrier, JDC4, and only a few diseases. You will then be strongly urged and possibly shocked repeatedly until you get out of Crapswarm and into Capswarm, but at least this way everyone can convoy their Space Winnebagos in a more coordinated way. Look to a thread from Innominate and the Caps Team about this shortly! 

Carrier Giveaway: Still Happening!

We're still giving away free carriers, but you have to actually be Capswarm spec for them. Don't forget about this insane giveaway program. Take our alliance riches - please! 

Just Announced - CCP Pre-Party: One Day Before The E3 Goonp!

We have a new subforum for Goonps in SGBS, if you're wondering why you abruptly can't find the latest about Zastrow's Memphis BBQSwarm or the upcoming post-E3 party in Los Angeles. If you are planning on attending the E3 Goonp, it just so happens that CCP has announced a party for players and devs the day before, on Thursday, June 13th - and this is an open bar party at the Standard Hollywood Hotel. That means we'll party on Thursday with CCP, then party on Friday at 48's place - don't miss it. 

Squads and SIGs: Join Today!

Are you bored between Stratops? Did Elo Knight just kill your carrier after you blind-jumped to the QPO beacon? Remember, boys and girls, GSF squads and SIGs have never been more active, and are getting into fights across the galaxy from Outer Ring to Omist. If you or your newbie friend aren't part of a squad/SIG, you're missing out. GSOL, Freedom Squad, European Goonion, Arsehole Squad, Top Goon, Space Violence, Miniluv, Black Ops, Corps Diplo, Recon: there's a shitty gimmick for everyone! Even GARPA is recruiting! 

Goonswarm Federation CEO, Space Tyrant. Likes yoga, Alaskan Malamutes, bacon, and delegation.