ALOD: A Tale of Fortune and Idiocy

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Tribal Band BEST Band still proving their the mongoloid shitlords of EVE
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watchout people !!!We have a Captard over here !!
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Story is false, for the record o7
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:(, well then he pulled a fast one on me, can you please PM me with details?
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Where's the rat damage?
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I have been waiting for this article for days, what a shame. (also, that fleet never stood down, we just turned around and went roaming to that shiny new dinner station)
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Actually he could have been going at it for hours, since the 15 min timer doesn't make people disappear anymore.
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The loot fairy was kind to him
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Well if that is not the "Author derp of the century" then I don't know what is!!
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Author derps of the century happen on big political stories or accusations against people in places of power. They don't happen on comedy pieces against people slipping on banana skins in space.
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:| i once petitioned the loss of my drake, it was t1 tanked with meta 3 launchers. I lost the drake because of a weird connectivity thing where i could see what was happening but mashing butans did nothing. and the GM was kind enough to give my drake back.i was 2 weeks into EVE at that time and had about 500k isk left over, perhaps the GM's just took pity.
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so i guess fact checking isnt important when writing an article for this website :/so many awesome stories can be posted now based on a battle report and the testimony of a troll.
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first time for everything, i did learn a few things out of this experience, and will be corroborating as many sources as possible for future articles.
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please do. i very much enjoy reading alod articles when they have both sides of the story. always interesting to see how things happened. and how the person handled the loss. dont settle for less, this is not evenews 24 thank goodness
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First-hand accounts of what happened are usually pretty reliable. When there are only two first-hand accounts available and one of them doesn't respond in the given timeframe to give a different version of events, what cause is there to think that a person's first-hand account is a complete and utter fabrication? That is, of course, aside from this being EVE Online.Showing an interview with somebody who is lying actually makes for some pretty interesting journalism, particularly once the truth comes out, and says more about the interviewee than the interviewer.
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If he left in a pod before his carrier was attacked, why does the kill mail have his name on it? Surely the carrier would have been pilotless and so not against his name? Or am I misunderstanding how kill mails work?
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it will still be under his name. He was definitely not in the carrier.
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Kudos to them for the fabrication, it's a superbly ridiculous story :)
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I have much respect to Angry Mustache for printing the update with the corrections. He could have very well let it stand and it takes backbone to admit when you get it wrong. He was mislead through no fault of his own but he manned up and you have my respect.
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what cause? guess i need to quote house on this one. EVERYONE LIES! if i said i blew up an asteroid and saved earth would you believe it without proof?if you are going to put out a story like this i would at least make them go to the trouble of doctoring a fleet loot log before i post their one sided version of events.and seriously who wouldnt reach over and smash the screenshot button a few times when they see a solo carrier on the gate killing a officer spawn.and i could be wrong here but wouldnt the current aggression mechanics cause the pod to be floating in space for a considerable amount of time?i have no problem enjoying a good story but its just that...a story. i dont read alod articles for a made up series of events, cant exactly troll the guy over events that never happened at best i can say why no t2 /faction omni links?
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TRIBE a.k.a. TEST Pet. I´m not surprised about Kills like that.
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Well fit hound does 750 DPS with rage torps. Basic arithmetic says it took 7min 54 sec. Call it 10 minutes even. Not too bad for a solo carrier kill in a frig.
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LNAW BEST NAW.
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When a ship is destroyed the las person to pilot it goes in the loss mail. Doesn't matter if you eject in space and the ship dies 5 hours later to yourself in another ship, it still counts as your ship until someone else pilots it.
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Read the full article, the bomber pilot story was false, and we still don't know how the carrier was not inside the POS shield.
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If i read the full article i just read "Damage Control blafarz"
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Thanks for clarifying
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sorry all i read when you type is herpaderp aint nobody got time to use their brain, or at least i dont.
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You clearly have no idea how many petitions they get from crying miners do you?
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Think of all the over time they have to work.Also don't forget about workload from James 315, the GMs have a copy/paste message for all bump hurt miners since they got so many petitions .
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they're*
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If you said that you blew up an asteroid, I sure would be skeptical. However, if there was video evidence of you tackling a purse thief at the park and I asked your version of events and you said that you were hanging out at the park on the merry-go-round when you saw them the thief take the purse and intercepted them, what cause would I have to disbelieve the part where you said you were at the park on the merry-go-round?Even if everyone lies, that doesn't mean that everything everybody says is a lie.
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i dont think you understand my point. it is that credible new sources get actual facts with proof before making a story out of it.
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and posting stuff regardless of fact or fiction just for views is a slippery slope. it degrades everything else done.
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as someone who knows exactly how the carrier left the pos, i feel like if the GMs tell him that would be very unfair on the individuals involved
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Aw, I was really enjoying the mental image of a gigantic carrier spazzing out in the gate, GTA4 swingset-style, and then rocketing off towards the vanishing point with an enormous SPROING.
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corroborating*
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"Since the Pauli Exclusion Principle states that no two objects may occupy the same space"Not quite right. The Pauli Exclusion Principle says that no electron can have the same quantum state.
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it's a nerd joke, the other implication from the Pauli exclusion principle is that no two electrons may occupy the same space (get it, you can't have a cap ship and a gate in the same space). This and magnetic repulsion between electrons is what gives ordinary matter "bulk".Looking back on it that wasn't the best joke for saying "warp a capital into a gate and you get roflbounced"
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Corp CEOs get additional tools provided by CCP. One is the ability to track locations of all their members. So it's at least possible to check who was online in that system. (Mind you I've never used those tools, so ~nodetails~, but they do exist).
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I really enjoyed reading that well done.
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Jim Harder > Draclira's Modified Heat Sink , Draclira's Modified Heavy Energy NeutralizerJim Harder > 4+2+0=420Jim Harder > blaze it faggotJim Harder > Cheers br0 o7o7o7o7o7o7So funny
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oh god...I actually knew that guy. We were in the same alliance. He had a penchant for buying real expensive toys and just not giving a fuck. Great guy, foolish sure, but hey, he always had a good time.
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No, i understood the joke, and i quite liked it. But the explanation was a bit wrong, and i just wanted to clarify it (even though mine is not spot on either, but the real explanation would be far to long for a comment, so its kinda a TL;DR version.) But i do understand why you worded it the way you did ^^
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I totally get your point. On the flip side of that, if "actual facts" excluded killmail records and first hand accounts, there wouldn't be many stories being told about what goes on in EVE Online.
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Ok, that's fair enough. I just figured that if rats HAD been in on it the total damage would have been far lower as he wouldn't have been around peak recharge for nearly as long and the rats would have helped kill it fast enough for the carrier to actually die in a reasonable amount of time.
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I like the first story. You know the first story might be true after all. Sounds like the story about Richard Parker the tiger in that boat...

A month ago, I joked about improving from losing Drakes in Highsec, to losing ratting Tengus in Deklein, to losing ratting Carriers to solo bombers. I meant that as a joke. While a gang of bombers can be absolutely deadly to a carrier, a solo bomber is a gnat facing an extremely annoyed elephant. After all, Carriers have hundreds of thousands of EHP, extreme repair abilities, sentry drones that can pop bombers like balloons, and heavy neuts to cap out tacklers in a single cycle. The Carrier pilot would have to be an imbecile of mythical proportions to not use one of the dozens of countermeasures carriers are equipped with to escape from a lone bomber.

So by this point most of you can guess what this ALOD is about.

 []

Jim Harder of Nulli Secunda bagged this carrier kill during his hour of activity while AFK camping the system. While a solo kill on a carrier is impressive enough, there is much more to the story than can be gleamed from the killboards.

A tale of fortune …

(Editor's note: what follows is fictitious.) 

Judging by the fit, with omnidirectional tracking links, drone control units, and drone damage amplifiers, one might assume the carrier was lost while ratting. That is only partly correct; this carrier was chasing a much more elusive prize.

Officer spawns are the proverbial pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Every so often, a gate or belt will spawn an officer (for Guristas, an example would be Kaikka Peunato) instead of standard rats. Officer spawns are the source of office mods, the best and most expensive modules in EVE. In terrible MMOs, officer rats would drop the equivalent of “phat epic loot”, obtained from dungeon bosses and such. Like Dungeon Bosses, officer rats can pack a mean punch, and have caused the deaths of many a curious ratting Drake.

So imagine Jim Harder’s surprise when he warped to the gate to find Draclira Merlonne chilling on a gate with several of her Dark Blood buddies. But Jim was not hunting officer rats, he was hunting the hunters. Soon enough, Jesse Draco cyno’d into the system and made ready to attack the officer spawn.

… and Idiocy …

Things started going wrong for Jesse Draco from the moment his carrier landed on grid. See, Jesse had warped his carrier to zero on the gate, something every cap pilot should know not to do. Warping to a gate at zero causes the bulk of the capital to clip into the gate. Since the Pauli Exclusion Principle states that no two objects may occupy the same space, Jesse’s Chimera rocketed away at ludicrous speed, preventing any kind of alignment. However, fighters still hit the field, and started chewing through Draclira’s armor, dropping the officer in short order. However, Jesse was in no condition to loot the wreck, having been bumped 40+ KM away by his warp to zero. I think we all know what happened next.

Jim Harder > Draclira's Modified Heat Sink ,  Draclira's Modified Heavy Energy Neutralizer
Jim Harder > 4+2+0=420
Jim Harder > blaze it faggot
Jim Harder > Cheers br0 o7o7o7o7o7o7

 … and more Idiocy

At this point, things were looking pretty grim for Jesse Draco; his officer loot had just been scooped by an enemy, and there was a chance that bombers were coming to kill him. But he could not warp out as he was still speeding along from being bumped away from the gate, and neuting from Draclira and co. (oh, officer and factions rats often carry nasty ewar effects) had put him below jump cap. Despondent, Jesse fell upon the proven and trusted "logoffski" maneuver, perhaps not knowing that being bumped prevents E-warps, giving Jim Harder plenty of time to burn in range and put a point on the carrier.

At the time, Jim had been hunting carriers for a while in Period Basis, and was about to pick up the batphone to order some pepperoni xXPIZZAXx when he noticed his torps were hitting for full damage, and that Jesse Draco had left local. Realizing this opportunity, Jim Harder seized the chance, and the rest as they say, is history.

Congratulations to Jim Harder for this fantastic killmail and story, he has promised to read any fanmail from atop the modest pile of isk made from the officer mods.

Here is the original conversation:

From : Jim Harder

I have been cloaky camping MVUO for a couple of days as I have been afk for a couple of days and thought I would annoy Tribe by not letting them rat in their best system.

I came back today and saw that there was a Draclira on the gate so thought I would wait for someone to come kill it and try and ninja loot.

After about five minutes after waiting Jesse came in and warped off to a pos. And came rushing back to the gate in his Chimera to come kill Draclira, He warped to 0 like a bauss and goes bouncing off the gate. Then he drops fighters and kills her.
I uncloak burn in and grab the loot, was a pretty good drop a heavy neut and heatsink. (Will be donating to the Cas Mania Bhaalgorn fund expect an ALOD on that soon) I then proceeded to LOLOL in local and linking it.

I then pointed him as he was neuted out by Draclira so thought he can't tackle me and I'll hold him here till he drives me off to aggravate the situation and he just logged off, either he thought that I would just let him go after not having enough dps to kill him, but his hardeners where off so I kept him tackled and shot at him to keep him agro'd (I wasn't sure how the mechanism worked) and was about to see if pizza wanted an easy carrier kill and I noticed that he was going down faster than I expected. Took just over half an hour but I killed him. Luckily for me Tribe was on a strat op so didnt have anyone going thought the gate.

Also fortunately I still had a JC on my hauling alt in z-m when s2n owned PB so JC him down and grabbed what I could off the loot.

Pretty dumb story pretty amused by it all. I am also disappointed that Cas didn't get another ALOD with his 2nd Rattlesnake on the evening of the last ALOD.

Author's Update

ALODs are somewhat finicky. While stupidity is timeless, the best time to admire a loss is generally soon after the kill. While the aggressor in an ALOD is usually exploding with excitement to tell his story, the victim is often less enthusiastic. Often, only the killer can be contacted for an article, and I have written previous ALODs with only the aggressor's point of view.

This time was no different. Jesse Draco could not be reached during the writing period, and I wrote the article on the testimony of Jim Harder alone. This turned out to be a grievous mistake, as everything that Jim Harder told me was a lie.

After interviews with 2 of the Tribe CEOs - Boagrius Firoz and Rameron Raveth - on what actually happened, it was revealed that the truth is much less dramatic than what Jim Harder communicated, which apparently was the result of an hour-long brainstorming session in corp chat about how to make the most outlandish story of a solo carrier loss.

What really happened is that Jesse Draco was in his carrier in MVUO-F when a strategic op was called. As the system had no outpost, he parked his carrier in a corp POS and left in the pod to attend the stratop. When he returned, he found his carrier dead. There were no fail-warps to gates, no officer spawns, and no logoffskis.

Tribe is unclear what happened to cause the carrier to leave POS shield and become vulnerable to attack. One possibility considered by Tribe is that the carrier was improperly parked, and the bomber landing on grid caused a grid reset, causing the carrier to be bumped out by modules. The other possibility is that the carrier was bumped out by a corpmate, but Tribe API does not show anyone in system. GMs are being contacted to find out exactly what happened.

Perpetually broke pilot of Goonswarm. Will shill for isk.