ALOD: The Scorpion that Stung Itself

Enter the sixteen billion ISK Scorpion Navy Issue (SNI), a beautiful ship. Over two thousand DPS omni tank, cap stable and... five hundred DPS…. Never mind! It's a mission ship! Right? After spotting this jewel on EVE-Kill, I couldn't help but ask what had happened. It couldn't be a suicide gank. There was too much damage from a single person. What about a war dec? Unlikely, because two separate corps were involved.

After pondering the cause of death, I decided it was time to go find out the real story. Several mails later, Throc Mortin (Rokh), Law'N'Order (Scorpion Navy Issue), and Solitary Pal (Vindicator) agreed to do interviews. I sat down with each individually to discuss this beautiful tale of stupidity and what a tale it was. Throc and Solitary are long time friends, they enjoy long walks through war decs, short roams into your mission to can flip you, and basking in the sun with a suspect tag on mission hub stations. Being the polyamorous types that they are, their neutral Guardians are never far behind, skipping merrily as they hold each other's capacitor. Law'N'Order is a career missioner, with only a single loss on the killboard. He enjoys building bling mission ships, chewing on Sansha skulls, and flirting with his many gorgeous mistress…er, agents.

On the fifth of February, as Solitary sat on the Nourvukaiken station in his Thorax, taking in the rays courtesy of his alt's Harbinger, Law'N'Order warped to the station hoping to pick up his target painters to finally complete his fit. As Law’N’Order landed, he saw the poor Harbinger under attack and decided it was time to put the hurt on that big bad pirate Thorax. As Law’s missiles began to hit his Thorax, Solitary docked up and reached for his Vindicator. Like many station gankers, Solitary rolls a 1700 DPS Vindicator, one of the few ships truly capable of destroying almost anything in high-sec.

With the Thorax menace docked up and hiding in terror, Law’N’Order tried to dock only to find out that he was unable to. Combat action against another player results in a sixty-second aggression timer that keeps you from docking in stations or jumping gates. By the time Law figured out what the problem was, Solitary was burning right at him with that delightful Vindicator of his. Webs and points snared Law’s SNI, and blasters started banging away as the Vindicator slammed into the SNI, bumping it off the station.

Despite the massive DPS of the Vindicator, the SNI was tanking fine. Initially, Solitary suspected the ship was dual ASB fit, but that thought was quickly dispelled when the tank just kept on going. Law’s fit, complete with a seven billion ISK officer cap recharger, is cap stable when running the tank full bore. Aggressed outside of dock range, pointed, and 90% webbed by Solitary's Vindicator, there was nothing Law'N'Order could do as his missiles failed to even dent the Vindicator.

With his prey thoroughly trapped, Solitary started reaching out to buddies. Enter Throc Mortin in his “awox rokh (4 heavy neuts, 4 torps)”, the perfect fit for ganking bling-fit mission boats under pressure. Several minutes later, Throc warped to Solitary with a medium remote shield transporter and started repairing the Vindicator. At this point, Law'N'Order had two baddies to kill! He opened up on Throc's Rokh, sealing his fate. In doing so, he had started a limited engagement between Throc and himself, thus allowing the Rokh to engage without fear of Concord.

Moments later, Law'N'Order's multi-billion ISK tank failed, Throc's neuts having volleyed his capacitor and shut off his tank. Twenty minutes of fighting ended by a few heavy energy neutralizers. Expecting a full head of crystals, they quickly ganked the pod as well and were disappointed to find a set of Genolutions and some +3%s. The hostile dead, Throc took a look in the wreck and exclaimed “Fuck! Theres like 4 bil of loot here!”

After proving to Solitary that he wasn't kidding, they spent the rest of the night giggling like schoolgirls.

Many people with loot such as this immediately ship it to Jita 4-4 CNAP to sell it off and then roll around in their pile of money. As it turns out, that is the plan for this pile of bling but with a subtle twist:

"tbh, I plan to awox the people who buy it (assuming they're in an awoxable corp). … We want to see just how many times we can sell the same loot." - Throc Mortin

It took Law’N’Order nearly nine months to assemble the ISK for his SNI and he had just recently acquired the cap recharger thanks to donations from his friends. Unlike many missioners after truly monumental losses, Law intends to rebuild his SNI (or RNI) and keep on missioning. Having put this ship together over months, he found immense joy in putting the final touches on it, just like a supercap pilot putting the finishing X-Type on his ship.

"…I personally recommend players to go ahead and fit expensive ships (if they can fathom one day losing them)." - Law’N’Order

Welcome to New Eden, where Law'N'Order has no claim. Be sure to check your transaction logs when you buy your next pile of bling! Throc and Solitary might be coming for you, intent on recovering their modules.


I'm an accomplished FC and have been playing for six years, I run FELON, the founding corp of Sadistica Alliance, and head the alliance. I also manage a ~50b isk market to support the alliance and am currently working as a technical writing intern.