ALOD: No Hope for the Human Race

Have you realized yet, in the quiet darkness of your soul, that there is no god in heaven, that all our so-called victories are no more than delusional propaganda we tell each other to convince ourselves of our importance, that the ‘power of Reason’ is a sick joke, that we are mere idiot children gibbering and drooling and wallowing in our filth amidst and infinite, uncaring blackness? That the Abyss is real, that it hungers and makes mock of all we know and love?

Yeah, I watched Event Horizon, too.

But some of our dear readers, despite being players of Eve Online, might still hold a tiny guttering flame of hope for the human race. I am here, today, to snuff that out. Open these links. Stare at them. Read what you see.



Read it again.



It has happened /twice/ now.


I don’t think we’ll ever have an ALOD to top this one, because I’m not sure I’ve seen such a comprehensive display of human stupidity. This man - if he may be called human? It would be a happy rationalization to insist that ‘shum32’ could not possibly be of the same species, share the same DNA, as our dear readers, and yet it must be so.

This man took an Apocalypse Navy Issue and autopiloted it through lowsec. Twice.

This man fit a shield tank on said Napoc. Twice.

This man decided that for his second Napoc, he would improve his fit by using faction small lasers - but only five of them, to make room for his officer smartbombs.

I’m not even sure what to say about the lowslots. Each time I stare at them, trying to imagine what ‘shum32’ could have been thinking, I hear a keening sound, a desperate howl, wild and tearing inside my head, and this sound could be the last shreds of my sanity shredding like an old cloth left out in the sun for too long, or I could be screaming out loud and never stopping.

That ‘Stoic’ warp core stab.

That COSMOS cap battery.

That armor rep, which fits so nicely with the shield tank.

The fact that this is Napoc #2, the ‘improved’ version, lost in the same way: autopiloting like a retarded cow towards an inevitable death on a gate in lowsec, chasing after some inconsequential sum of isk.

Know my pain, readers. I have suffered and stared too long into the horror of these two killmails; I have seen many awful things in life and in Eve Online, but if I am going to go mad with the terrible unspeakable awfulness of ‘shum32’ and the unbearable, undeniable fact of his existence as a human and a person, so you too now must know my pain. How did this happen? How did he get enough isk to afford such a monstrosity? How could he come up with a fit?

There is no answer, only the bitter, mocking laughter of the hungering gods in the outer darkness.

Goonswarm Federation CEO, Space Tyrant. Likes yoga, Alaskan Malamutes, bacon, and delegation.