ALOD: No Hope for the Human Race

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There is now another 30 billion isk paladin. ALOD please
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I don't have words for how bad this makes me feel. I just want to crawl in a hole and wait for the stupidity to go away, but I would be down there forever.
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Well at least the fit has an upside then.
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Yawn, these are becoming like that reality show that just won't go away. Yes, yes we know there are stupid people in Eve, just like they are everywhere else in the world.
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Maybe thats the gimmick, a fit so terrible that it destroys our minds. And then he did it again.
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pyfa is for us mac users
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Shield tanked Napoc....what. the. fuck?
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I hope there exist at least 31 other shums. That would be fantastic.
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Riverini, is that you?
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he's probably in training to carrier rat in null sec....what else could he possibly be thinking but that?
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49% of the people on the planet are below average ... some of them apparently play Eve...
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49% of the people on the planet are below average ... apparently some of them play Eve...
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Excuse me, I need to go find a blender to stick my head in.
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True story.
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We got a broadcast for that..? :facepalm:
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The realization of what I was looking at came in stages. First I thought I was looking at an escalation of stupid fitting from a ratting ship. Then I saw the dual tank. Last, I read Autopilot.DONE. I'm DONE. My mind is evacuating from it's cranial cage. You'll have to excuse me now, my therapist appointment begins in a few moments.
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... I have no words. http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/i... pretty much describes what I'm thinking
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Ans us Linux users, forgotten and pushed into the dark by CCP . We exist! We will fight! We will prev.... god dammit, Wine just crashed
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This is what happens when one is right in his own eyes and too arrogant to learn. Or maybe he has no friends who are willing to reason with him and teach.
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I kinda want to look at it in EFT but isn't that how it's contagious?
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If it weren't for assholes like shum32, there would be NO POINT in camping any gates in lowsec. None at all.
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They should give this guy his own tournament and have his setups fight eachother. This I pay plex for.
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Delivers, this thread does.
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You have to be way dumber than 49th percentile to do this after playing EVE long enough to get into a BS.
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I got a popup.It said, "Burn Jita."
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Every time you lose a shitfit, God kills a freighter.Thank you for doing God's work, pilots.
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This is CCP's fault. Directly their fault.Stop and think for a moment: this ship cost the pilot upwards of two-dozen PLEX. He paid over $480 dollars for a replacement Navy Apocalypse and the gear to help it succeed where his first failed.Put yourself in his mind for a moment. There is no way the pilot didn't sit in his fitting window and the market for hours trying to make this second ship work. This second Napoc represents the absolute best this loner who stumbled across EvE months and months ago could muster.Tutorials? New pilots learn how to drag and drop modules into the center of a fitting window. Not even the distinction between low/medium/high slots is made clear; modules fall into place by themselves. Nowhere in the tutorials is a pilot asked to prove s/he understands the difference between shield and armor tanking. Absent is any reference to the idea that hardeners can help you tank better than a second shield booster.Nowhere in this game is a solo pilot drawn to the game by science fiction, press, or news sites like EN24 and Themittani.com asked to make tough decisions early on. Nowhere is a potential customer given hands-on examples of fits--good and bad--and told to figure out the gimmicks, strengths, and weaknesses of each to solve a task.No. In oversight or bad planning, CCP throws the player in a noobship, briefly flash-inundates the pilot in an impossible spread of information all at once without simplification or decent training elements, and expects them to appreciate the game and continue subscribing like the learned, supported, long-term customers whose gateway involved supportive entities like Eve University or an existing alliance. In our collective drive to prove to new players how rough a game and community EvE is, we often simply turn our heads and tell them to learn.Why are so many pilots shoed into endless, worthless mission running? They're literally funneled into it as the tutorials themselves are missions; nowhere does the supposedly improved new pilot experience indicate that there's anything more than the WoW daily quest experience in the game.Even WoW does a better job of the newbie experience -- at least you're spoonfed each element of the game in simplified scenarios in which, to succeed, you literally must read, understand, and apply a simple concept to move on. Since the redesign of WoW's low-level experience, each quest chain tends to focus on a gimmick mechanic and end in a climax that tests the player's understanding. Staged NPC fleet action, wars over territories, rags-to-riches storylines, even delving into the goddamn brilliant, under-appreciated Eve Chronicle: there is immeasurable opportunity to give players an extended solo introductory campaign entrance into the game.I feel like I've written about all this before. I have. Might be time to just put it into a bloody article series already, if I seem to get so carried away with the new player experience and what it could be--ought to be.TL;DRThese fits make me feel bad. For the goddamn pilot who burned more than half a thousand dollars in a desperate attempt to figure out how to play this game better. For CCP so abjectly setting players up for failure and unsubscription with their first, crucial losses in an alien, overwhelming user interface and game design that need to be taught. For us, the pilots who have made it through the meatgrinder with, at the very least, a working knowledge for some of the basic game mechancis. For me, now at the end of my Cherry Garcia. Fuck your small cartons, Ben and Jerry.Fuck this game, and fuck us all if we can't collectively convince a terrible Scandinavian-bastard-child game company of kilt-wearers and red hair to hire a quartet of experienced solo campaign designers to compound the pre-existing mehcanics, community, and lore of the game into something to retain new players. Fuck, just offer the Eve-U guys food and lodging and they'l sort it out.You know EvE is dying. This is how to effing fix it.
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.........THA FUK?
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*sob*
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just letting you know that your gigantic wall of text comment got spam filtered and i had to approve it manually
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I looked at this, then looked away-muttering somewhat whilst making tsk'ing sounds under my breath. Then, for some reason my eyes keep being drawn over & over again to suffer the full impact of the horror! I think I may develop PTSD or some variant thereof which relates to internet spaceship related trauma. I'm getting flashbacks & I think I need medication-vodka might help! Curse you Shum32! My mind is scarred, my liver will be compromised! I need to be held gently & comforted while I softly weep ovey my now sodden keyboard. My corpies are keeping me talking while they phone the nice men in their white coats so they can take me to a safe place-they have a special coat for me to wear! I can hug myself in it while I rock endlessly back & forth, involuntary moans escaping my poor tramatised frame..........
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Or, you know, just don't spend $500 on internet spaceships that you don't know how to fit.
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I saw. I appreciate it, and I'll keep comments shorter.
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I think you make a good point but I think that, assuming this guy poured money into RMT or PLEX for this, he's largely at fault too. It takes a huge amount of dumb persistence to throw money away like that for trivial gains in a game.To clarify, I mean trivial in the sense of he was clearly not going to be making a vastly increased isk/hour with those fits, and if he ever used them at all he would've realized that.
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I think you're infantilizing the average "loner" a bit. Shum32 -- who's been around since 2010 -- apparently hasn't absorbed what the average player would have learned on the way to training into a battleship, and that probably makes him an outlier. I can concede that CCP could do more to educate new players, but these two fittings aren't CCP's fault. A year-old player with the wherewithal to tie his shoes would never, ever undock one of those ships. No conceivable training program could account for whatever the hell was going through Shum's mind on November 28.
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mining titans are amazing clearly you have never met Chribba
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This fit makes me want to kill my family
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this guy owes me a keyboard, a desk and some extensive facial reconstruction.
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Well written sir
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I'll agree to disagree here. A year is an awfully long time spent in EvE for someone to not get a sense for what constitutes a decent risk & reward balance in ship choice and fitting--I definitely see your point here.My issue lies less with the price tag on these losses and more on the lack of understanding in module function. Pubbies die every day with officer and faction mods; however, I think the more appalling fits in ALOD focus on, for example, unhardened multi-booster cap fits or Proteus dual-tanks.It's not the loss of the mining lasers, but the fact that they were fitted on a Ragnarok in the first place. The 20 billion Russian Machariel, however, ate ships faster than the Bermuda Triangle.EvE lacks an in-game challenge, newbie quest structure, or tutorial that invites players to educate themselves in the finer points of fitting. If you don't have Pyfa or EFT (and are thus terrible, don't search for help online, and too socially awkward to ask people in game for help), there's little opportunity for a lightbulb "Aha!" moment. This pilot might have been ignorant, but it's clear he was trying hard...in the hideously misguided way he knew.EFT is a game unto itself. Most of my saved fits are for ships that I know I'll never fly seriously; it was fun to create, min/max, discuss, and hilariously misfit them (laser Hurricanes, 100mn MWD sentry Proteus, etc). That Pyfa/EFT is not either in-game or packaged with EvE is an absolute jaw-dropper of an opportunity lost for CCP.
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Looking at the responses here, I'd say he succeeded. Well played shum32, well played.
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Spare him his life from this monstrosity.
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seriously; you could give lovecraft a run for his money in terms of explaining terrible things.i just wish the kinds of terrible were not so utterly different from one another.
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'How did he get enough isk to afford such a monstrosity? 'isn't it obvious?
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LMFAO!!! ^^ best ever
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to you, that is a shit fitin their head, it is the best fit they can come up withI mean if you were a trekkie, would you not want to raise both shields and armor, enterprise-e did not just rely on its shields or armor alone? if you came in from almost any other forms of space sim, defense is usually split between shield and armor, and not exclusively just one thing.
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Well, he's not dual tanking it if you look at it closer. When you shield tank, you inevitably end up getting armor damage. I think the armor repper is there so he didn't have to pay the repair bill.
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Every ALOD we're always like "we'll never do better than that, pinnacle of decadence, mass suicides, etc." but it ALWAYS gets better.
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Hey you should write for themittani.com
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I dont know whats worse, the fit or the fact he was killed by imperial legion on the first napoc
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My brain is broken

Have you realized yet, in the quiet darkness of your soul, that there is no god in heaven, that all our so-called victories are no more than delusional propaganda we tell each other to convince ourselves of our importance, that the ‘power of Reason’ is a sick joke, that we are mere idiot children gibbering and drooling and wallowing in our filth amidst and infinite, uncaring blackness? That the Abyss is real, that it hungers and makes mock of all we know and love?

Yeah, I watched Event Horizon, too.

But some of our dear readers, despite being players of Eve Online, might still hold a tiny guttering flame of hope for the human race. I am here, today, to snuff that out. Open these links. Stare at them. Read what you see.

First: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=14605924

Then: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=15329010

Read it again.

Yes.

Twice.

It has happened /twice/ now.

[]

And...

[]

I don’t think we’ll ever have an ALOD to top this one, because I’m not sure I’ve seen such a comprehensive display of human stupidity. This man - if he may be called human? It would be a happy rationalization to insist that ‘shum32’ could not possibly be of the same species, share the same DNA, as our dear readers, and yet it must be so.

This man took an Apocalypse Navy Issue and autopiloted it through lowsec. Twice.

This man fit a shield tank on said Napoc. Twice.

This man decided that for his second Napoc, he would improve his fit by using faction small lasers - but only five of them, to make room for his officer smartbombs.

I’m not even sure what to say about the lowslots. Each time I stare at them, trying to imagine what ‘shum32’ could have been thinking, I hear a keening sound, a desperate howl, wild and tearing inside my head, and this sound could be the last shreds of my sanity shredding like an old cloth left out in the sun for too long, or I could be screaming out loud and never stopping.

That ‘Stoic’ warp core stab.

That COSMOS cap battery.

That armor rep, which fits so nicely with the shield tank.

The fact that this is Napoc #2, the ‘improved’ version, lost in the same way: autopiloting like a retarded cow towards an inevitable death on a gate in lowsec, chasing after some inconsequential sum of isk.

Know my pain, readers. I have suffered and stared too long into the horror of these two killmails; I have seen many awful things in life and in Eve Online, but if I am going to go mad with the terrible unspeakable awfulness of ‘shum32’ and the unbearable, undeniable fact of his existence as a human and a person, so you too now must know my pain. How did this happen? How did he get enough isk to afford such a monstrosity? How could he come up with a fit?

There is no answer, only the bitter, mocking laughter of the hungering gods in the outer darkness.

Goonswarm Federation CEO, Space Tyrant. Likes yoga, Alaskan Malamutes, bacon, and delegation.