TEST Alliance Update: Redemption

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"They’ve never faced a fight like this"Have you even read Goonswarm's origin story?
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That's the one where they killed BoB by flying multiple Megathron fleets right?
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They're going to get bored silly pve'ing to make those donation payments towards a sinking ship.
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"C.R.E.A.M." missed a link therealso poor alliance please donate
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Except that's actually a good speech and this is certainly not
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Losing Fountain would be the best thing that happened to TEST in 2 years.
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Lmao, the fact TEST sees straight through the problem, and right to the one little shit asinine metric that is positive is mind blowing. I guess though that should be expected from 90% of the drooling retards in your alliance. Go ahead pay for sov while the CFC takes your moons. TEST didn't want those moons anyway am I right?
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That's how a not insignificant amount of TEST's own people will see it anyway.All the "didn't want that anyway" sarcasm aside, there are plenty among the thousands of line members who ultimately won't overly miss the tryhard nature and shackles of sov, should it be lost. TEST started with essentially nothing back in the day.Sure, reimbursed fleets and free ships are nice, but fun in the game is paramount, unlike the attitude of some upper leadership or even those who take sov wars too seriously.
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Ah yes, the shackles of sov. You are right. Now, push the magic fucking button and end this jokerman charade
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And, oh by the way, make sure you have a hangar full of fleet doctrine ships. Don't worry, though: we won't ask for big, expensive battleships.
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They were crowing about CFC not owning any systems other than the 07m8 sov transfer a few weeks ago. Now we've merely conquered 10 systems and run their bankrolls dry. We must be terrible at this war thing.
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TEST to be renamed the HODOR alliance and will run off into the hills with the wildlings in Jovian space.
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Yes, but he's our snake. And he also happened to tell you that you were broke weeks ago, all the while your leadership crowed about over-full coffers.
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You mean losing like slobs is fun? I bet you like dominatrices to kick your ass daily. Get real...loser.
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Well, at the end of the day, if test goes broke, pilots will stop logging in, or sov bills won't get paid. There is more than 1 way to skin a cat. If we let you get morale up, then it means more isk will be thrown into the useless fire.
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...and begged ex-Testie Greedy Goblin Gevlon to come back and save our financial butts, cause we are so SOL.
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Definately sounds like BoodaBooda is somewhat pissed :)
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How can TEST fail when led by a tactical genius like Booda "I'll suck your dick for a billion isk" Booda?
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Thanks for the uninformed assumption as to where I'm involved in this conflict.And if by get real meaning having the time to have a real life, instead of getting boiled down and alarm clocking day and night to sov grind, for a game, then your argument actually means I'm winning at EVE. So thank you and come again.
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Gevlon has money. Is he back in TEST yet?
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Simple TL;DR is "Stop whining about not winning all the fights and log in. If you log in, we'll lose less."
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"They want to remove us from our home" which we you had to do absolutely nothing for, because we simply gave it to you. goonswarm giveth, and goonswarm taketh away
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your alliance just admitted to being so broke it cant afford to replace the things you are using to fight for those stations... at this rate the goons won't have to take them because you won't be able to afford the sov so wave that station list dick around as long as you can because the tax man is gonna lop it right off for lack of payment on the bill.
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I feel for those poor Testies.....Not only do they need to buy Rohks and lose them 5 minutes later, they also need to pay donations to pay for Test Sov bills.So far CFC has not given 1 <--- not 1<---CTA and fleets fill up to full within 3 minutes.Mr Vee fleets you need to make an appointment these days or its full before the advert is up -_-NC. is still wondering wtf happend with the CFC as we bitch slap all the Elites coalitions combined and outnumberd 3to1 and hold the line for hours without support against them.PL seems to silently walk away from Fountain as they had enough flat hands on the cheeks.(He is Revenent now)Nulli is begging members to log in (same as Test).Test...well Test should worry about bills mostly, the war is already lost.Booda take Beffy out and just apoint a new leader your doing a shit job dude.This war is going to be shorter then i tought, i see all kinds of cracks appearing but none at our side.CFC the kigns of Eve o/The Mittani send his regards.
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I think you just proved your a loser slob as was assumed by the poster above.
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I wonder if they remember how well that worked out for NC. last year
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And I care about yet another "TEST grunt's" internet opinion, why? Go cry more.
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CAPS LOCK: cruise control for douche bags.
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The last SOTA should have been titled "This is What We do While Our Allies Fight for Us" and this one should have been titled "Sorry for Not Planning for the Obvious"....
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I don't know where the average test guy is on the war but pretty much everyone in the CFC is ready to throw down at a moments notice. z9pp happened because hundreds of CFC pilots are honing the cheetos eating skills, playing war thunder, and waiting for the next big fight. No they are not going to put down the cheeto's to kill a few campers on the undock (well maybe some will) but you can bet your carriers that they will jump in a fleet when there is a chance for a fight. How about you perma-camp B-D? Sure to get fights.
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You like to bite on troll bait is probably why you been zeroe'd as a moron masochist. Go beat yourself somewhere else.
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The best part is how TEST thinks they're some great rival to goons.Frankly? You guys are barely a blip on the map. BoB and company were a lot tougher to deal with and it took years, first of crushing their allies, and finally crushing them. Don't get big heads because you've lasted a month or so.
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TLDR: We're broke, please donate money to fund your SRP. Everyone is bailing us out because we've made loads of mistakes.
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Coming soon: The Booda-bada-bling Lotto, winner gets a shiny new Talwar.
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You left out "Give me whatever's in your wallets so we can reimburse Talwars."
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CFC is given five systems for basically free.CFC keeps one system, puts a station in it.CFC screws with its enemies while they grind out the other four systems.CFC ... loses?
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Send Booda any amount of ISK and he will double it.
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"we ALL need to give this war 100%"That right there says it all for me. In summary, if any one member gives any less than 100%, we will lose.
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I would suggest you to take a look at moon situation up north. Test's cash liquidity is maybe low, but we're not bleeding dozen of R64 like you do, we've got to learn from you guys on that end.
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I love the way alliance updates deliver obfuscation wrapped in the promise of "transparency".
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To be clear, you're completely broke and begging from your membership and yet within 250 words you're claiming to be about to break apart invaders and invade VFK?This is awesome. Can I have what you're smoking?
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If I want more fights, should I CAPS LOCK in local?
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Yet we still have reimbursement......When your leadership only knows how subtract it makes for a bad financial situation lol.
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Also can you please link hard metrics or screen shots showing these so called "dozens" of r64 moons we are losing.There are 29 r64 moons in venal they've maybe taken 15-20 lmao. If your going to spin at least have the decency to provide something that looks like support for your shit post.
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Get over it. I did it once, in all my comments, as a joke, and then had El Honcho and his 35 bandwagon upvotes chastise me for it. I get it. I guess I forgot how many things are only cool when Goons do it *swoon*:http://themittani.com/news/ten...http://themittani.com/media/ju...
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Oh, there they all are.
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Invaders smug about being able to "hold the line". priceless.
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CFC smugging so hard in these comments. lol, shoot some more structures in bombers please. supercaps win sov wars. They have for a very long time. Guess who's afraid to use theirs?
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(in 2014)He unironically mentioned a war bonds program so yeah this.
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but if they give you 100% they wont be able to afford insurance...
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The war is till to young to drop supers young padawan,1st the CFC is going to drain massive amounts of isk from their enemy's to make participation lower and lower on the enemy side (mission in progress, going better then expected)Then when numbers are going down and down and down morale starts to take a wrong turn as those 1600 men fleets become 1200 then 800 then 400.(As you can see its already happening)CTA after CTA will be given to drain the hardcore members even more, untill it just doesnt make a diffrence anymore. (almost happening with Test already 1 month into the war)CFC in the meantime is having a great time, specialy with the new doctrine that seems to melt ships 25x better then the old Tengu fleet.Even when outnumberd ;)After weeks/months from now Test / N3 / PL lose any disire to keep that war up.Solar already retaking systems ( again check Dotlan)If you know Eve and want to find out how Goons win Wars,Read Goon History <--- this is the way to win wars and how Goons have been winning each war since their move to Sov Space.Only diffrence is that Goons + Friends are not the easy targets anymore like they have always been, as you can see its more 50/50 And this is CFC against Eve Online Elite Coalitions.The best of the best, the creme de la creme.Together they outnumber CFC and VFK is still not in sight, infact CFC is gaining ground week after week.Just check Dotlan and Evekill to see how the war is going if words and propaganda is to much to read trough.CFC most killsCFC gaining momentum and claiming more and more systems.You better start using more Blue's Test or this war is not going to end up well for you.It seems N3 / PL / BoB 4.5 + Test isnt enough to safe Fountain.Maybe ask DoD and AAA to join in ?Seems they are the only one's not against the CFC at this point lolol :P
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Well. This was more inspiring than the official SOTA they had where they begged for isk and sung for people to log in more.
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So much CFC butthurt here.
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Funny, I thought shuttles didn't have fuel issues...
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This should of been the title of the piece lol, nice one!
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Reminds me of March and April 2003 Baghdad Bob would be proud someone took up his torch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
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"... already won on the merit..."Really?
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CFC prefers to slowly grind their enemies. Milk that kill mail cow as much as possible. Is it more fun to bang and get out or to bang that girl HARD and put her away wet and exhausted? No baby we are in NO RUSH :). Your thighs chapped you say? You walking bow legged? YOUR SPENT?
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FCs, give me your talents. Logistics, give me your persistence. Recon, give me your eyes. Leadership, give me your voices. Mentors, give me your patience. PL, give me your dick.
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Hey guys, let's pack it in and go back to Deklein. We're apparently not winning fast enough.
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It worked pretty well until the falcon incident.#iwasthere
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Why the fuck would they need to reimburse talwars?
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TL;DRsomething something syndicate something somethingblah blah blah remedial ratting/losing thanatos blah blah blahblah blah blah band of brothers blah blah blahsomething something sov bills something something
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mic dropped.
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My sympathies to any and all that have to read his rants.
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THE GOONS HAVE STARTED THIS WAR, BUT IT WILL ONLY END WHEN WE STOP FIGHTING. If you give up now, it’s over way too soon - and I'M NOT DONE WITH TEST YET.^ failcascade imminent boys.A few more shots and the punching bag explodes.NC. already yelling the same shit as in Tribute war, YOUR WINNING TO SLOW.Yes we are going slow Vince, we have to face all elite coalitions at once, but we are WINNING as you said alright.CFC WinningWinningWin^Morale dropping at an alarming rate :(I expected a war lasting longer then The Great War :(Seems these elite coalitions are all made of air -_-
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Because the people who fly them are poor newbies?I guess it would be difficult for a PL member to understand.
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Did you know Poitot is the only named system in Syndicate?

 

(Editor's Note: Alliance Updates are aimed at internal audiences and usually are considered the gospel truth by their membership but vile propaganda by everybody else. You should definitely know this by now. This is a TEST Alliance Update from BoodaBooda)

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First off, I apologize for the largely empty SOTA. I dicked it all up like a moron. In a way you le redditors can understand, I friendzoned you all. I'm not too proud to admit when I fuck up, and I’m working to actually try and fix things that broke after Testival. Also fuck you I’m still new to this shit.

This is going to be a long one, because everyone knows post length is directly related to penis length, and PGL whipped his out first.There’s a lot of information you guys deserve that I haven’t been providing for the last week or two, and you should really hear it from me instead of scrouging through various forums to get it

C.R.E.A.M.

I’m going to get this out of the way first. Financially we're finally to the point where I need to ask people to contribute. We’ve been welping things pretty much since I took over, and the wallets are finally worn out.

Of course, TEST isn’t relying entirely on enterprising individuals to bear the extra burden. We have a few plans in motion that should hopefully pull us up by our bootstraps and prepare us for the next few months’ worth of doing things. Additionally, Packetninja has a few monkies working on pounding out a new TEST finances application - he's a bit busy being poor to do it himself. More transparency will arrive as soon as they're done (which I'm sure will be conveniently timed to occur when we're no longer poor, unintentionally).

Long term we’re still looking alright, but war isn’t meant to be easy or cheap; that said, I want more than anything to keep you guys flying spaceships, fighting, and having fun – that’s why we subscribe, right?

In fact, half of the reimbursement queue was taken care of just today.

If you would like to contribute your cash or energy to help the alliance financial situation, details will be kept in this thread. Additionally, watch for further news posts with details about things like war bond programs.

Speaking of war...

WAR

PAST

When the CFC first launched their invasion, I warned you all that it would be a long drawn-out war, and so far that’s been pretty much true. It’s shown us some of our own strengths, and taught us where we need to improve. The announcement helped us garner the support of a hell of a lot of people across EVE. Our strength in 1-SMEB was legendary, and inspired both fear and respect in alliances all over the game, but Goons throwing themselves on our swords was a great reason for many groups to come get a piece of the action.

The CFC thought we would be weakened, softened, and ripe for killing after our skirmishes in Delve – and they just happened to be in the market for a new home. And yet here we are weeks later only short about 10 systems. A far cry from the last time Goons led a war and swept through a region in roughly a week.

Meanwhile, the CFC propaganda engine tried to claim I had burned our relationships across the galaxy, in reality the CFC were the only group entirely unwilling to work with us. Pretty much.

We currently have the N3 living in Hophib, Fountain, and nearby Aridia. They almost foam at the mouth at the thought of killing CFC, and we’ve given them a good chance to do it. We also have various smaller groups on our side nearby, and we have allies staged to harass much of CFC territory and access – we even have a relationship with 401K as they break down structures and fleets in the north. We initially worked with BL as well, out of a mutual distaste for Goons; unfortunately for us, BL’s desire for cash and killmails finally led them to drop out of the war, and go back to killing Revenants and otherwise elite-pvping against anyone with a spaceship.

PRESENT

By now you’ve seen Beffah’s military update, the first in what will hopefully be somewhat frequent rolling status updates by various leadership and FCs. Maybe you’ve attended one of her military specific Q&As, or posted in one of the Q&A forum threads. There’s a professional, god-like, legendary N3 update cross-posted on our forums as well.

Initially, the CFC rolled through northern Fountain as we took our time moving to Karan. They cut a deal with Sort Dragon for the remaining o7m8 stations and sov, killing at least one supercap build belonging to someone TEST promised wouldn’t die to our hands – Sort Dragon wanted to screw us for a while, and finally had his shot. It seems like the CFC were almost taking credit S2N Citizens/Nulli Legio heist, until they saw how mad it made everyone. I think the total damage count was a stolen 400b ISK and 211 systems left sov-less, forcing the N3 to fly home and fix things.

Once we moved to Karan, things got VERY exciting. We’ve managed to put up an incredible defense against the brute force of thousands of northmen. Currently, the CFC holds a whopping TEN systems in Fountain. Embarassing, almost.

Shit, I didn’t even know z9pp existed until we lost 27 carriers there.

If you look at that map link, you’ll notice that all of the o7m8 systems save 4-EP were safely returned to TEST control. I guess this means that technically the CFC has lost more stations in this war than we have, but they did also drop a new green dong in 4-ep and may even move there still.  

The stunning infiltration of N3 and the subsequent loss of their space knocked them out of the war… for a whole 18 hours. They, with the help of PL (and I think a little from TEST), crunched through a mind-blowing 211 systems in a day (at a rate of 9 minutes per station, or something silly). Even the goon propaganda machine was knocked for a loop, and what began as all but taking credit eventually turned into thinly veiled attempts to suck PL’s dick (shameless plug of my response and twitter). During these hours, the CFC (clearly high on smug) put 20 Fountain systems into reinforce – only to cower at home as we saved 19 the next day.

We’ve since lost Z9PP, but not before an absolutely immense fight for the system. TEST is a young alliance, all said and done, and we made a few rookie mistakes with fleet coordination and watching clocks. We were saved when a CCP typo knocked the server offline for a brief intermission, just long enough to let us escape and shovel thousands of goon rage-posts onto the EVE-O forums. I won’t sugar coat it, that was a hell of a fun fight, but it could’ve meant the end of TEST capfleets for weeks, or maybe months. Everyone in leadership learned a little, though, and hopefully we won’t let such a sacrifice happen again… or at least we’ll save it for something actually important. I was there for half of Z9PP, but I can’t do a proper recap in a post that’s already 1200 words long. Here’s the Manfred Sidious one (warning, smug triggers: TMC link)

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